March 21, 2021. Paris.
i had this feeling lately that the world was becoming more and more divided. that because the pandemic made us face our deepest fears, the gap between people ready to face theirs fears and people identifying with them was getting deeper. that everywhere around us, for everything, there was more than ever a side to choose, something to believe in, something to fight for, a label to put on yourself.
the labels i’ve been putting on myself lately were: i don’t watch the news, i don’t want to get the vaccine, i trust my body, i believe that fear is more dangerous than the virus.
i witnessed myself defending my labels. i started having thoughts justifying that i was right, which inevitably lead me to cultivate thoughts justifying that others were wrong. i observed some anger arising behind my thoughts and sometimes this uncomfortable feeling of wanting revenge: life will prove you i am right.
until i realized that by picking my side, by defending my labels and what i believed in, i was doing exactly what i was blaming others for doing — rejecting ideas and people that don’t fit in the same frame of references.
i started wondering: can i believe in what i believe in while not opposing people or ideas that believe differently?
can i believe in what i believe in while not picking a side?
a few months back i received a text from an old friend that recently went back to judaism. he explained how happy he was to have found a path closer to his truth and finished by writing that he advised me to dig deeper into my roots — i come from a jewish family — and that he would be there if i needed a guide.
i thanked him for the advice and the offer, but couldn’t shake the feeling of being unseen. even though i knew it was coming from a good place, it felt like he disregarded completely what i believe in. it felt like he was saying: my beliefs are better than yours, come to my side you’ll see.
what if instead of advising me to join him on his path, he’d gotten curious about my path? what if he’d asked and opened a conversation? i would have gotten curious about his beliefs too. we may have learnt from each other and grown together.
religions have always been a tricky subject for me because of that. because of this need to convince, to rally people, to draw a line between them and others. why is it so important for people to be identified with what they believe in?
i believe in what i believe in for myself, because it helps me walk my path. but the moment i put my beliefs out there, the moment i wear my beliefs as labels, i identify with them, i loose myself in my labels. i am right, you are wrong, my labels are better than yours.
if i truly find everything i need in my practice, on my path, in what i believe in, i don’t need to convince myself that i am on the right path, i just know. therefore i don’t need to convince you that my path is better than yours. i have everything i need where i am. if i’m truly happy where i am, i don’t need you to be happy for me. i don’t need you to agree with me. i can receive you as you are.
there is no side to take, no ideology to adopt, no religion better than another, this is not a competition.
instead of defending our labels, of telling the world what we believe in and why, can we bring peace?
can we see that we’re all in this together?
i just read this amazing book called Being Peace, written by Thich Nhat Hanh. books find you when you’re ready to read them, when you’re ready to integrate the lessons they carry. i have dozens of books waiting to be read, and yet i’ve found this book two days ago and read it in a day.
Thich Nhat Hanh tells this story about a twelve year-old girl and a pirate. the pirate raped the twelve year-old girl, she jumped into the ocean and drowned.
Thich Nhat Hanh says that you naturally take the side of the twelve year-old girl. even though it may not be events you experienced yourself, you know the suffering inflicted to this twelve year-old girl and you feel for her. you naturally blame the pirate for what he did.
if you go a bit deeper though, if you’re willing to understand why the pirate did what he did, where he comes from, what he’s been through, what made him believe in what he believes in, you slowly unveil the suffering behind his actions. you slowly realize that he’s another human being suffering so deeply that he chose to hurt another human being, another life.
Thich Nhat Hanh says that when he brought the pirate into his meditation, he realized that if he had grown up in the same village than the pirate, he would have become the pirate himself.
you want to believe that you would have known better, you would have done differently. you want to believe that you are free to choose, that you have the power to make your own decisions. but most of the decisions you make come directly from the conditioning of your mind. it comes from your thought patterns, your memories, your traumas, your insecurities and your beliefs. if you had grown up in the village of the pirate, you would have had the conditioning of the pirate, you would have become the pirate yourself.
it doesn’t mean that the pirate’s actions are right or not reprehensible. it means that while you acknowledge his harmful actions, while you acknowledge the injustice of what the twelve year-old girl went through, you don’t take a side.
Thich Nhat Hanh writes: « if you take a gun and shoot the pirate, you shoot all of us. »
having compassion for the twelve year-old girl is easy. how can we practice having compassion for the pirate?
i read about this ritual happening in a tribe in South Africa. it says that when a member of the tribe does something harmful, the tribe places him in the center of the village. during two days, all the members of the community gather around him and remind him of all the beautiful things he’s accomplished. they believe that every human being is good, that every one of us is looking for safety, love, peace and happiness. but that sometimes, people make mistakes and the community sees it as a call for help. they gather to support him, to help him connect with his essence, to remind him who he is, until he remembers and goes back to himself.
we complain about seeing our world being filled with hate, conflicts, wars, anger and fears. what we don’t realize though is that when we strongly defend what’s right, when we take a side, when we proudly wear our labels, we generate rejection and hate towards the ones on the other side. by picking a side, we perpetuate the conflict, we participate. picking a side is the very own definition of what a conflict is. if there is no side to take, there is no conflict.
Thich Nhat Hanh writes: « reconciliation is to understand both sides, to go to one side and describe the suffering endured by the other side, and then go to the other side and describe the suffering endured by the first side. doing only that will be a great help for peace. »
we all make this world the world it is. people bringing peace and people harming others are coming from the same place, they arose from the same reality. suffering is part of our daily lives. we all suffer. but we’re not equal in front of suffering. some of us have the ability to face their suffering, while some others remain identified with it. we do the very best we can with what’s been given to us, with this human experience we’re living.
we are souls having a human experience. if you have the inner strength to step back and connect with your soul, you’ll see other people as souls. you’ll feel in the deepest part of your heart that there is no side to take. that you can believe what you believe in while welcoming what others believe in.
you can believe in what you believe in while remembering that we are one.
i am with you, always.
Camille
little gift for you — you’ll need to click to see the video:
i have a Q&A column, that is called Dear Me. Dear Me is a safe and totally anonymous place where you can ask all the questions you’re asking yourself, whether they are deep spiritual questions or little cute advices. i answer all the questions i receive once a month in this newsletter. to ask a question, click below:
read previous newsletters - visit my website - practice yoga with me - follow me on Instagram - 🤍
Beautiful insight and a valid reminder how easy it is to judge the others and take sides. xox
🌹🌹❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️