Fourteen years ago today — on February 17, 2009 — I had an interview for a job at Vogue in New York. I had been collecting the issues of Vogue for years. I hadn’t even let myself dream about working at Vogue one day. When you loved fashion, working at Vogue was it. It really couldn’t get any better than that. And I got it. I got the job and was supposed to start in the beginning of May. A week before my first day though, my visa was denied. I tried to fix it, I literally begged. But it didn’t work and I lost the job.
Four years later, on the exact same day — on February 17, 2013 — I boarded a plane to India. I had never traveled alone in my life before and in such a foreign country. I didn’t understand why I was doing it, why I was leaving all that I had ever known, why I wanted to backpack by myself throughout India for months, but somehow I knew I had to. I had this little voice in my heart telling me that there was something more, something else, that I couldn’t keep living my life without looking for it.
When I came back from India, I had found what I was looking for. I had met me. Not the version of me I thought I had to be, but me. My true self. And the rest of my life started.
February 17, is a very symbolic date for me. It reminds me of this scene in The Matrix. Take the blue pill and stay in the system. Take the red pill and see behind the veil.
If I had had my visa in 2009, I would have entered a world I thought I was dreaming of and started building a life that I may not have been able to extract from. I may not have been able to go to India. I may not have been able to meet me.
I didn’t choose not to get my visa, I was quite devastated at the time. But I chose to board this plane to India. I took the red pill and never looked back.
I wanted to celebrate the date this year, on the exact same day — on February 17, 2023 — as it marks ten years.
It’s been ten years that I’ve listened to this little voice in my heart for the first time and embarked on this strange journey with myself that had no destination, no other destination than myself.
It’s been ten years that I’ve started looking at myself as a person I had to build a relationship with, and me-and-myself went through all the stages of what a healthy relationship requires.
It’s been ten years that I’ve decided to heal all that was preventing me from feeling safe with myself and to take responsibility for who I am and for what I give.
It’s been ten years that I’ve committed to my happiness.
And today, I want to honor the 26-year-old-me who was terrified to leave her whole life behind when she boarded this plane to India and did it anyway. This is about her.
I want her to know that she was right, there was something to find. She was brave, probably the bravest version of me. In many ways and for many reasons, she saved my life.
I want her to know that thanks to her, I feel proud to be me.
And I feel like this is the most beautiful celebration I could have hoped for. I’ve learned recently that victories are not about what you do, but rather about what you feel.
For years, I’ve been trying to do things and to hide behind them. Writing a newsletter, teaching yoga, practicing hypnosis, drawing mandalas, making jewelry, journaling, opening a yoga studio, traveling. I’ve been a teacher, a writer, a traveler, a therapist, an entrepreneur, and more. But none of these labels felt right. Because they are just labels. They are just things I do.
I am not my labels. I am not what I do, but rather how I do it and why. I am what brings my labels together, what exists in between, and under them, and above them. I am this invisible energy that expresses herself in many different ways and that keeps growing from every new experience she goes through. And this is what I feel proud of, the whole.
Today — on February 17, 2023 — I’m not looking for me anymore, I am me. I’ve committed to be me despite all that has come my way. I held tight and didn’t give up. Thanks to the 26-year-old-me and to all the versions of me that came after her, I’ve committed to my path.
I’ll keep doing what I’m already doing and add more throughout the years, but not as separate things anymore. I’ll do them as a whole, as me expressing myself in all the ways I feel drawn to, with the same voice, the same intention, with the same love.
And I’ll share all that proudly with the world.
Maybe that’s just what life is about.
this newsletter
I’ll send this newsletter twice a month, every other Friday. Once a month, I’ll write about self-exploration. And once a month, I’ll answer the questions I’ll receive for Dear Me, which is my Q&A column.
Dear Me is a safe and anonymous space where you can ask about what is on your mind and in your heart. Ask your questions here.
yoga classes in Paris
I teach weekly yoga classes in Paris, find my schedule here. I also teach as a substitute for other teachers and post the details each Monday in my Instagram stories.
events in Paris
As I’ve been moving a lot these past few years, all locations are mixed up in my social media followers and subscribers — which I love — and it is sometimes challenging for me to reach out to local people.
So I’ve created a WhatsApp group for Parisians. I’ll be the only one able to post in it and it’ll be in French. I’ll post about what I organise around yoga and hypnosis — special classes, workshops and retreats.
I’m now working on a yoga workshop series, each workshop will have a theme that helps you answer the question “who am I?” in many different ways, through the body, the heart and the mind. It will happen once a month. I’ll share the details in the group as soon as I’m ready.
hypnosis sessions
I opened my practice a few months ago, and it’s been an amazing adventure. I’m fascinated by every person that comes to see me, by their story, by their strength and vulnerability.
I practice Humanist Hypnosis, which works on the same state of consciousness as meditation. When you meditate, you practice reaching a state of presence and maintain it. When you practice humanist hypnosis, you reach the same state of presence and use it to work on what is blocking your path.
I receive people in Paris 10th and online. Find more information here and book your session directly here (website in French).
working together
If you feel like doing something with me, please reach out. I’d love to hear about who you are and what we can create together. You can talk to me directly by responding to this newsletter.
others
I try to post on Instagram as much as I can, I write little notes and self-love reminders, and share what inspires me. Click here to follow.
I updated my website. Click here to visit.
I feel as terrified today sending this newsletter than I was ten years ago boarding this plane to India. Which tells me that I am right where I’m supposed to be.
With all my love,
Camille